(Revised) Annotation 2: Adultery pulls you out of the abyss of emptiness

 Following the annotation 1 where the three main problems mentioned, can be avoid through adultery, here, in annotation 2, I go further to discuss it can retrieve yourself mentally and face emptiness in the bottom of heart, which is caused by the unhappy growing process. There are all kinds of factors leading to the sense of loss in childhood. But the main cause is that we have piles of unmet needs. “These unsatisfied demands are believed to bring feelings like frustration, harm, and emotional pain which compose emptiness.” suggested the author. The following is the example which the author provides to show you that people turn to adultery to fill the emptiness deep in mind, which is induced by something wrong in the childhood.

  Ian is the only but unexpected child in his family. He desires to be loved, cared, and depended on because he never really understands his father and even is not close to his mother. Though he got married, he never tells his wife about his desire deep in mind. Ian committed adultery finally, but he has learned to express his needs afterwards and she has learned to listen to. In this case, we see that getting little love makes Ian’s heart full of emptiness. When he feels it again, he is not a little boy anymore who can just endure loneliness, but a grow-up who can find consolation to relieve the intolerable pain. Should he be blamed for cheating on his wife? The author tells you that Ian should be forgiven.  Because normal ways like talking did not work in the relationship between him and his parents, he had to resort to an unconventional way like adultery this time to save the marriage. (connected to Annotation1) And we see it really worked since adultery made this couple face their problems and successfully dealt with them.

  So, should adultery be criticized? In view of the vows, the person who commits adultery should be blamed because he/she did break the promise. But look at the traits of emptiness. They are included “Everyone feels it”, “It comes from not keeping some relationships” and “It comes from not knowing self or losing self because of someone.” The second trait indicates that instead of eating much food, drinking a lot, taking medicine or overworking, people tend to build up another relationship to find consolation for their loss or unsatisfied needs in the former or present relationship.

And also, the third trait shows Ian's problems. Getting not enough love from his parents makes him dare not to express his needs in fear of no response. This causes him to lose himself and gradually not know what he really desires. Here, through adultery, Ian has been saved and thus changed his marriage since then. So, in conclusion, although adultery must be considered immoral or shameful, it still exists as an useful way to retrieve yourself even though in the first place, you just want to fill the emptiness by it. 

Reference:

Bonnie Eaker Weil & Ruth Winter. (June, 1994) Adultery:   The Forgivable Sin.