Ian is the only but unexpected child in his family. He desires to be
loved, cared, and depended on because he never really understands his father and
even is not close to his mother. Though he got married, he never tells her
about his desire deep in mind. Ian committed adultery finally, but he has
learned to express his needs afterwards and she has learned to listen to. In
this case, we see that getting little love makes Ian’s heart full of emptiness.
When he feels it again, he is not a little boy anymore who can just endure
loneliness, but a grow-up who can find consolation to relieve the intolerable
pain. Should he be blamed for cheating on his wife? My answer is NO! Because
normal ways like talking did not work in the relationship between him and his
parents, he had to resort to an unconventional way like adultery. (Please see Annotation1) And the result shows that adultery made this
couple face their problems and successfully dealt with them.
So, should adultery be criticized? In view of the vows, the person
who commits adultery should be blamed because he/she did break the promise. But
look at the traits of emptiness. They are included “Everyone feels it”, “It
comes from not keeping some relationships” and “It comes from not knowing self
or losing self because of someone.” Like the case above, instead of eating much
food, drinking a lot, taking medicine or overworking, people have to find
consolation from another or new relationship because the one they engage in now
is hard to keep. The main point is that emptiness comes from losing or not
knowing self. But here, in Ian’s case, we see that through adultery, he finally
knew what he wants and thus changed his marriage since then. It can clearly be
seen that although adultery must be considered immoral or shameful, we cannot
deny it is an useful measure to retrieve yourself even though in the first
place you just wanted to fill the emptiness by it.
Reference:
Bonnie Eaker Weil & Ruth Winter. (June, 1994) Adultery: The
Forgivable Sin.
