Peer Response 3

1.[蘇俞臻]:
I think your topic is too long, maybe you can concise it and make it be more powerful. And in your second paragraph, "Though he got married, he never tells her about his desire deep in mind." I think that changing the word "her" to "his wife" will be better, because this is your first sentence which has mentioned his wife, if you only use "her" to describe, it will make readers a little confused. Besides, in my opinion, I still insist that the cheated person has to be blamed, though I have compassion to his childhood. However, this cannot be a reason for him to hurt his spouse! It just like if a person experienced domestic violence as he was a child, so he has the right to do that on his/her family without being blamed!

  [Me]: 
OK! I will change my title and replace "her" with "his wife."
But in my opinion, we cannot choose our parents and thus have to accept the childhood they give us. It is unavoidable, so adultery is forgivable.

2.[Yachu Mo]:
your topic is too long that will make us lose the focus
and after i read your annotation, i feel that it is hard to know your standpoint until the end.i think you can make your standpoint clearly.
i still think that Adultery can't be forgive because the one you cheat on didn't have the responsibility to accept the hurt you gave even though you have a bad childhood. However, it is not his or her fault.

  [Me]:
As you said "it is not his or her fault", so adultery is forgivable.Anyway, thank for your comment, and I will revise my annotation 2 based on these suggestions.

3. [Siou-jyun Huang]:
I think you were too nervous in your presentation.Your viewpoint was strong and you have to have confidence in it.

  [Me]:
 Thank for your words of cheer! I will show my confidence in next presentation.

4.[Chen Joselin]:
Actually, I think you and your partner are talking about different topic.I can't agree with Adultery at all. You have hurt your lover and cheat those who believe you. No matter how old are you, you shouldn't have an affair.

 [Me]:

well...please calm down.We are talking about the same topic. And though  you cannot accept adultery, it exist anyway and has positive effects.

5.[黃毓婷]:

your speaking is really clear. good pacing!
ur perspective in this article is really special and interesting, which surprices me how much that your childhoom influences your future even self. The emptiness and lonliness inserted into ur heart due to parents' indifference may have a great impact to childen's personalitis. but , I think that u make the incident of "adultery" too reasonable although you connect it to the faults which parents have made. Maybe u can explaion more about the "emptiness" or find some sources from psychologic aspects, which can clear up your points. Also, come up with some examples of how parents mistake their children might be helpful.:)

 [Me]:

 OK! Thank for your detailed analysis and suggestion. I will take them into account.

6.[Robert Ching]:

I can see that you are well prepared for your presentation. You demonstrated your confidence in your speech. Also I like how you include like a little story in your annotation 2. Not only does it strengthen your point but also make it more persuasive and realistic. However, I do not agree with your point about committing adultery. Although there maybe reasonable reasons for it to happen, I still think it will leave a negative impact on the innocent children. 

  [Me]:

Thank for your compliment:))

Although you stand on the side against mine, I can imagine you may change your idea toward adultery after you see whole my annotations.

7.[Lisa Yu]:

The story you tell makes your statement much clearer, and the presentation will be better if you don't keep looking at the note. I think that the positive case you say is the minority, but I believe that most extramarital affairs have their reasons.

  [Me]:

Although it is the minority, it just exists. We cannot deny its existence, so why not just trying to understand its causes and admit it is forgivable?

(Revised) Annotation 2: Adultery pulls you out of the abyss of emptiness

 Following the annotation 1 where the three main problems mentioned, can be avoid through adultery, here, in annotation 2, I go further to discuss it can retrieve yourself mentally and face emptiness in the bottom of heart, which is caused by the unhappy growing process. There are all kinds of factors leading to the sense of loss in childhood. But the main cause is that we have piles of unmet needs. “These unsatisfied demands are believed to bring feelings like frustration, harm, and emotional pain which compose emptiness.” suggested the author. The following is the example which the author provides to show you that people turn to adultery to fill the emptiness deep in mind, which is induced by something wrong in the childhood.

  Ian is the only but unexpected child in his family. He desires to be loved, cared, and depended on because he never really understands his father and even is not close to his mother. Though he got married, he never tells his wife about his desire deep in mind. Ian committed adultery finally, but he has learned to express his needs afterwards and she has learned to listen to. In this case, we see that getting little love makes Ian’s heart full of emptiness. When he feels it again, he is not a little boy anymore who can just endure loneliness, but a grow-up who can find consolation to relieve the intolerable pain. Should he be blamed for cheating on his wife? The author tells you that Ian should be forgiven.  Because normal ways like talking did not work in the relationship between him and his parents, he had to resort to an unconventional way like adultery this time to save the marriage. (connected to Annotation1) And we see it really worked since adultery made this couple face their problems and successfully dealt with them.

  So, should adultery be criticized? In view of the vows, the person who commits adultery should be blamed because he/she did break the promise. But look at the traits of emptiness. They are included “Everyone feels it”, “It comes from not keeping some relationships” and “It comes from not knowing self or losing self because of someone.” The second trait indicates that instead of eating much food, drinking a lot, taking medicine or overworking, people tend to build up another relationship to find consolation for their loss or unsatisfied needs in the former or present relationship.

And also, the third trait shows Ian's problems. Getting not enough love from his parents makes him dare not to express his needs in fear of no response. This causes him to lose himself and gradually not know what he really desires. Here, through adultery, Ian has been saved and thus changed his marriage since then. So, in conclusion, although adultery must be considered immoral or shameful, it still exists as an useful way to retrieve yourself even though in the first place, you just want to fill the emptiness by it. 

Reference:

Bonnie Eaker Weil & Ruth Winter. (June, 1994) Adultery:   The Forgivable Sin.           

  
  

Transcript 1

  I’m Claire and our topic is “should extramarital affairs be accepted?” And I stand on supporting side and Emily is the opposite. I go first now. In my annotation 1, I talked about adultery is an unconventional way to save yourself from three main problems if you choose not to get divorced when you find your spouse cheating on you. First, the kids, and second, financial problems, and the third, discrimination in the society.

  And, in annotation 2, I go further to talk about adultery can retrieve yourself mentally and face emptiness in your bottom of heart, which is caused by your unhappy growing process. And now, I am going to show you guys a story that the author provided to strengthen the point. Ian. Ian is the only but unexpected child in his family. And he desires to be loved, cared, and depended on because he never really knows his father who is an airman and always away from home. And Ian is even not close his mother who is a model and always busy at party hosting. So though, Ian got married finally, but he did not tell his wife about the desires in his mind and finally he committed adultery. But after his wife found Ian cheating on her, they talked and Ian learns to express his needs and his wife has learned to listen to.

  So, should adultery be criticized? In view of the vows that in the ceremony, the person who committed adultery should be blamed because he or she did break the promise. But when we look at the traits of emptiness, they are included: first, everyone feels it that means everyone has the feeling of emptiness; second, it comes from not keeping some relationships just like Ian found he could not keep the marriage; last, it comes from not knowing self or losing self because of someone just like Ian, because of his parents were not close to me, which gave Ian thee feeling of emptiness and Ian didn’t know what he really wants. So, the main point. The main point is that the second...umm... the third it comes from not knowing self or losing self because of someone. But we see, through adultery, Ian knew what he really wants finally, and chose to face the problems and talked to his wife and thus they changed their marriage. So, the conclusion: adultery must be considered immoral or shameful but we cannot deny it as an useful measure to retrieve yourself even though at first place, we commit adultery just for fill the feeling of emptiness.               

Annotation 2: Adultery: a way to retrieve oneself in a struggle of emptiness caused by a miserable childhood

  As I mentioned before in annotation 1, the way parents use to deal with their children has a great influence on the future development. Here, the author points out that “Even the most generous and indulgent parents make mistakes which affect the children’s futures.” So, what is the problem? Our parents had many unmet needs in the childhood, which makes us share the same fate. “These unsatisfied demands are believed to bring feelings like frustration, harm, and emotional pain which compose emptiness.” The following is the example to show you that people turn to adultery to fill the emptiness deep in mind, which is induced by something wrong in the childhood.

Ian is the only but unexpected child in his family. He desires to be loved, cared, and depended on because he never really understands his father and even is not close to his mother. Though he got married, he never tells her about his desire deep in mind. Ian committed adultery finally, but he has learned to express his needs afterwards and she has learned to listen to. In this case, we see that getting little love makes Ian’s heart full of emptiness. When he feels it again, he is not a little boy anymore who can just endure loneliness, but a grow-up who can find consolation to relieve the intolerable pain. Should he be blamed for cheating on his wife? My answer is NO! Because normal ways like talking did not work in the relationship between him and his parents, he had to resort to an unconventional way like adultery. (Please see Annotation1)  And the result shows that adultery made this couple face their problems and successfully dealt with them.

So, should adultery be criticized? In view of the vows, the person who commits adultery should be blamed because he/she did break the promise. But look at the traits of emptiness. They are included “Everyone feels it”, “It comes from not keeping some relationships” and “It comes from not knowing self or losing self because of someone.” Like the case above, instead of eating much food, drinking a lot, taking medicine or overworking, people have to find consolation from another or new relationship because the one they engage in now is hard to keep. The main point is that emptiness comes from losing or not knowing self. But here, in Ian’s case, we see that through adultery, he finally knew what he wants and thus changed his marriage since then. It can clearly be seen that although adultery must be considered immoral or shameful, we cannot deny it is an useful measure to retrieve yourself even though in the first place you just wanted to fill the emptiness by it.

Reference:

Bonnie Eaker Weil & Ruth Winter. (June, 1994) Adultery:   The Forgivable Sin.

Peer Response 2

1. Emma:
    It is a good source, but you should "quote" what is in the source. At first glance, I think those are you thoughts, but after seeing the source, I realize almost is from the article. The author's point of view is very convincing, but I seldom see your comment or your "own" thoughts in this annotation. I think you can choose some important sentences to support what you have mentioned in your issue paper before. 
And you can organize or list the author's points, not just quote all. 
To sum up, compare to your issue paper, this annotation points out why you said that divorce is not a good choice for unhappy marriage. It makes your point clear. Good.

    Me:

    OK! Thanks for your suggestion. You are right about that I have to quote from the reference instead of just summarizing it all.

2.蘇俞臻:

    I don't think that if people have a emotional affair can still remain the completeness of a family, because he/she might want to spend more times with his/her new lover. Also, the lover might hope to build a new family with you. And,actually kids are very sensitive, they will notice that their parents don't like each other anymore, this does not have any good benefit to kids' well-beings. 

Your article is based on the situation that the couples can reach a consensus. However many extramarital affairs happened not because couples have poor marriages, but for excitement! What is your opinion or solution for this kind of situation?

    Me:

    That's why they have to reach an agreement! And for the desire of the lover to get married, that is the problem the husband/wife has to deal with since they have reached an consensus that maintaining family's atmosphere. And to answer your last question, just because his/her marriage is unhappy, he/she pursues comfort or happiness from other woman/man.

(Revised) Annotation 1: Adultery is an alternative way to save yourself

  As I mentioned in the issue paper, there is no perfect marriage. The author suggested that when people find something wrong in their marriages, they tend to resort to ways like "marriage consulting, more talking or tolerance, and praying to God." However, as we see divorced rate gets higher and higher, it is obvious that the normal and moral ways do not work. So, the author holds the point that adultery is necessary and exists as an unconventional way for those who are in the dilemma of choosing not to get a divorce but having no solution to resolve the current situation.

  Some may just get a divorce to get away from misery. But here are three main concerns for persuading you not doing so. And if you are taking this option, in other words, you will not be trapped in these concerns; instead, you can avoid tragedies happening in the future and get something which you never expect. 

  First, kids. Undoubtedly, a broken family brings a child an everlasting harm to his/her heart, which definitely influences the development of his/her future. Children go astray in teenage years, are mostly grown up in a broken family where they never get enough love since they were little, and thus seek attentions from peers who may do something illegal like taking drugs. If you decide to leave your children, it is very likely that some day when they commit a crime, you learn it from television but cannot do anything since being alienated from them. But on the contrary, through their growing process, you learn from them and also get the happiness which is invaluable.

  Second,financial problems. Most families are with two incomes. So, when getting divorced, single-parents cannot afford the cost of living and children's tuition. And for those women who quit jobs to take care of husbands and kids, it is hard for them to go back to workplace for being unfamiliar with professional skills. So, if you stay, then you don't have to worry about the kids are poorly fed or you cannot afford them to go to cram school or college. It is a chronically physical and mental suffering which you never want to be stuck in.         

  Last but not least, hostility and hatred toward divorced couples and their children in our society. For adults, they may be labelled as being abusive or having some bad habits that fail their marriages. And for children, it is very likely they may be mocked by peers only having one parent. This kind of gossip or mischief seems not a big deal but actually makes both adults and children lose self-confidence. 

    So, compared with getting divorced, maybe adultery is a better choice. When a couple use adultery to save their marriage, reaching a consensus is needed. Like an agreement that on the basis of bringing up the children together and maintaining family's atmosphere, each other can develop his/her own relationship. Although adultery is risky and considered immoral, it is useful anyway which keeps possible regret or affliction at bay for you.

Reference:

woosean. (April, 2006). 婚外情的必要性

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