Transcript 2

Hello everyone! I am Claire, and our topic is should extramarital affairs be accepted? And, I’m the one who stand on the supporting side. So, why do I support adultery? I am going to explain two points. First, decriminalizing adultery. I will tell you the reason that laws against adultery should be abolished and also introduce you some inappropriate laws. And the second part, stop stigmatizing adultery. For this part, I will show you a case to make you change your impression on adultery.

And laws against adultery should be abolished because in several countries, umm…they are impose decriminalization and violence on women. For example, in Philippines, adultery is defined as( ok, I will.. Phoebe! Can you red this for me?) ” Adultery is committed by any married woman who shall have sexual intercourse with a man not her husband…”(Phoebe speaks) Yes!  You see that?!  The subject only refers to females. It is obvious that this law shows inequality in gender. And the word “adultery” should not refer to specific sex. Everyone is likely to engage in adultery.

And also, in some Islam countries where laws ban, umm… men and women committing adultery, but! ( Umm… Ivy, can you read this for me?) men are permitted to take more than one wife and also to enter into temporary marriages. (Ivy speaks)Yes! Here, we see the law has defects. It provides men with privileges to avoid being punished. A man who umm… won’t be criminalized if he marries to his mistress in time before being found he has committed adultery.

And, in Pakistan, laws require (Robert! Can you read this for me?) a woman making an accusation of rape to provide extremely strong evidence to avoid being charged with adultery herself. (Robert speaks) This does violence on women because umm…continue! “a conviction for rape is only possible with evidence from no fewer than four witnesses.” (Robert speaks) umm! That means a woman who committed adultery has to find a man to ….make love with her and find more than four witnesses to prove it.

And last In Jordan, there are honor killings. And honor killing is, umm… Cassie, can you read this for me? “he who discovers his wife or one of his female relatives committing adultery and kills, wounds, or injures one of them, is exempted from any penalty.” (Cassie speaks) And this means men can kill or injure women only for maintaining their dignity and reputations. Don’t you think that is unreasonable? Yes, I think it is unreasonable. Because life is the basic human rights, and, umm…but it seems that in Jordan honor is the priority.

Compared with developed countries, umm… there is no country criminalizing adultery in Europe. And in United States, there are 22 states out of 50 criminalizing adultery. And here, I want to make a clarification. Umm… I never say abolishing these laws can fully protect women. But I am pretty sure if they are not abandoned, women are meant to be injured.

And the last part, stop stigmatizing adultery! And that means don’t give adultery discrimination!

So, what is adultery discrimination? Let me ask Phoebe! If I…if I ask you to give me an adjective to describe adultery, which one do you choose? And adjective. (Phoebe speaks) Umm… Ridiculous, umm… ridiculous. Ok, Knot! Which one? (Knot speaks) Satisfied. (laughter) Ok! Robert? Which one do you choose? (Robert speaks) Unacceptble. Yes, it’s close to immoral, right? (laughter) So, when people are asked to give an adjective to describe adultery, they usually pick ‘immoral’ And that is discrimination. But there is a strong case to tell you that you can’t do so!

Assume that your husband or wife had a car accident and has been paralyzed. He is too afraid to lose you, so he demands your loyalty of sex. And when time flies, these years you spare no efforts to take care of him in these years, but he cannot satisfy your sexual needs. So finally,umm…you commit adultery! Should we call it immoral? No! I think the wife has done all she can do. And adultery just a way she pursue her own happiness. Thank you!

Q&A:

[Lin Kuo]: I want to make comment. I think rather than to abolish law against adultery, furthermore, why we shouldn’t dismantle the marriage institution? Because marriage institution…umm…I want to response to Claire, you say, if you want sexual liberty, why do you just out of the marriage? But, many legal rights is attached to the identity, and our marriage system is descriminalize…is descriminate the person who enter…who are not enter this system. So, and marriage…marriage and family…marriage, family and nation is conspired with each other, and act in a way to exploitation of labor. Not(only) labors from works (but also) and from domestic worker.

[Me]: Ok….Thank you!

[Vivien]: I want to ask Claire. You support abortion…adultery. Do you have any premise for committing adultery?

[Me]: Usually it happens when a couple’s marriage is not happy. And when it comes to adultery’s positive effects, the couple wants to solve problems, but they don’t want to get divorced, so they choose adultery.

[Vivien]: And why they don’t just get divorced?

[Me]: Because there are so many reasons like kids. If you get divorced, you cannot… cannot expect…you cannot imagine your kids will be, like in the future, your kids may take drugs or become so… bad, and you can get controlled of them. So, it you don’t get divorced, you can take care of them. That is one of the reasons. There are so many many reasons.

[Cassie]: I want to ask Claire about your point of view because… oh! I want to, first of all, express that your way to interact with audience is very good. Because more attention on your presentation. But it seems that your resources are kind of limited to some religions or countries so I want to ask you about what’s your opinion about adultery in Taiwan because in Taiwan, some of the adulteries seem to not relate to religions or adultery problems, just like a person want to have other relationship.

[Me]: I have seen a news recently, umm…. A news that the minister of culture 文化部長龍應台 She has talked about, umm… when she talked to foreigners, she felt embarrassed because… when they are talking about the laws of adultery. And I think decriminalizing adultery laws is a trend. Umm… in these developed countries because they focus on individual thinking. Maybe for their government, adultery is just individual business.

(Revised) Annotation 4: Stop stigmatizing adultery

  When it comes to adultery, people tend to think of it as wrong or immoral, and directly ignore exceptions. Here, the author Yin-Bin Ning told you that “a stereotype without regard to individual differences, considering adultery as a depraved behavior, is discrimination toward it. And, discrimination in itself is definitely wrong!” The adjective “immoral” usually comes after breaking the promises for marriage. However, we should realize that every marriage works in its own way. And every couple can reach different agreements and have their own arrangements for life. “In different marriages, loyalty of sex or lying may not matter anymore.” So, followings are some examples provided by Ning, for proving that adultery deserves a different comment.

  There is a kind of marriage called “open marriage.” It refers to a marriage in which the partners agree that each may engage in extramarital sexual relationships, without this being regarded as infidelity. In an open marriage, the partners have no promise to keep the loyalty of sex. So, in this way, they will not break the promise because there is even no one. And certainly, we cannot regard this kind of adultery as immoral.

  What’s more, even though there is a promise for the loyalty of sex in some marriage, when adultery happens, we still cannot directly call it immoral. For example, there is man who had a car accident and has been paralyzed. He was too afraid to lose his wife, so he strongly required her loyalty of sex. When time flies, his wife has spared no efforts to take care of the other for years, she finally committed adultery because her spouse couldn't satisfy her sexual needs. In this case, should we call it immoral? The wife has done what she should and could do. However, she is just like all of us, being a human and has physical needs. She deserves a better life, and adultery just a way she used to pursue her own happiness.

  In general speaking, hostility toward adultery is seen as a useful way to protect marriage. But, if it is really useful, then why is adultery widespread, and does divorce rate get higher and higher? So, it is still question that whether discrimination toward adultery can protect marriages. However, I have discussed in Annotation 1 that adultery can be an alternative way to save one’s marriage and also oneself from possible problems happening in the future. In conclusion, adultery deserves a different comment other than “immoral.” And even, we cannot ignore its positive effects. “Not every adultery is the same,” which means not every adultery is immoral!

Reference:

Ying-Bin Ning (May, 2002). 通姦不道德嗎? 自由時報

Retrieved from: http://intermargins.net/repression/deviant/Marriage/adultery/articles/2002Jan-Jun/20020513a.htm

Peer Response 5

1. [陳奕臻]:
1.The first sentence "think of it as wrong or immoral". It should be "think of it as wrong or immorality"
2.The second paragraph "we cannot regard this kind of adultery as immoral". It should be "we cannot regard this kind of adultery as immorality"

First, you didn't have terrible grammar like me. It's great XDD 
Second, although I didn't agree with your idea, this article is good and has a strong standpoint. Our basic physical needs is indeed important, and restrained by the moralities.

[Me]:
I think "immoral" is acceptable because "being" can be ignored.
And thank for your compliment anyway. :)

2. [蘇俞臻]:
I agree that the open marriage is not immoral, but it's because couples themselves had reach agreements before they commit adultery. However, many cheated people do not reach an agreement with their spouses. They just want to pursue excitement. Would you still think that the adultery committed by that kind of people should not be called immoral? Just as you say, they are exceptions, so it's better for you tell readers that it's under specific situation.
And in your last paragraph, what do you mean for "hostility toward adultery is seen as a useful way to protect marriage." I think it's a little strange to say that "hostility" can protect marriage, because it's a kind of feeling. Maybe you can say "the crime of adultery can protect marriage" would be better.

 [Me]:
So, that still means not every adultery is immoral!
Thank for your comments anyway :)

Annotation 4: Stop stigmatizing adultery

  When it comes to adultery, people tend to think of it as wrong or immoral, and directly ignore exceptions. Here, the author Yin-Bin Ning told you that “a stereotype without regard to individual differences, considering adultery as a depraved behavior, is discrimination toward it. And, discrimination in itself is definitely wrong.” The adjective “immoral” usually comes after breaking the promises for marriage, which include the loyalty of sex. However, we should realize that every marriage works in its own way. And every couple can reach different agreements and have their own arrangements for life. “In different marriages, loyalty of sex or lying may not matter anymore.” So, followings are some examples provided by Ning, for adultery to deserve a different moral comment.

  There is a kind of marriage called “open marriage.” It refers to a marriage in which the partners agree that each may engage in extramarital sexual relationships, without this being regarded as infidelity. In an open marriage, the partners have no promise to keep the loyalty of sex. So, in this way, they will not break the promise because there is no one. And certainly, we cannot regard this kind of adultery as immoral.

  What’s more, even though there is a promise for the loyalty of sex in some marriage, when adultery happens, we still cannot directly call it immoral. For example, one partner is paralyzed or seriously ill and he or she is worried about his/her partner may leave him/her, so the loyalty of sex is strongly requested. When time flies, one partner has spared no efforts to take care of the other for years, he/she finally commits adultery because his/her spouse cannot satisfy the sexual needs. In this case, should we call it immoral? We are human beings and have basic physical needs. If we have been responsible for being a good wife/husband to take care our spouse, we deserve the right to have a better life and pursue happiness.

  In general speaking, hostility toward adultery is seen as a useful way to protect marriage. If it is really useful, then why is adultery widespread and does divorce rate get higher and higher? So, it is still question that whether discrimination toward adultery can protect marriages. However, I have discussed in Annotation 1 that adultery can be an alternative way to save one’s marriage and also oneself from possible problems happening in the future. In conclusion, adultery deserves a different comment other than “immoral.” And even, we cannot ignore its positive effects. “Not every adultery is the same,” and that means not every adultery is immoral!

Reference:

Ying-Bin Ning (May, 2002). 通姦不道德嗎? 自由時報

Retrieved from: http://intermargins.net/repression/deviant/Marriage/adultery/articles/2002Jan-Jun/20020513a.htm

  

(Revised) Annotation 3: Laws against adultery impose discrimination and violence on women

   Laws are made to restrict people’s behavior. So, there are laws against adultery, whose intent is to show its incompatibility with the society and also validity of a marriage contract. However, in several countries, punishing people who commit adultery by severe penalties turns out offending against human rights and imposing conspicuous discrimination and violence on women. These laws deviate from their original purposes and bring about social problems which for a long time, human beings have tried so hard to deal with. Therefore, after reading the reference composed by Frances Raday in “Oxford Human Rights Hub”, I go to search the details of these laws in “Wikipedia” which are displayed in the following paragraphs.

  In Article 333 of the Criminal Law in Philippines, adultery is defined as “Adultery is committed by any married woman who shall have sexual intercourse with a man not her husband．．．” The subject in the text only refers to females. This law shows inequality in gender. Although men in Philippines are convict of a related act of concubinage, the word “adultery” should not refer to specific sex. Everyone is likely to engage in adultery.  And also, “in some Islam countries where the law prohibits adultery for men as well as women, men are permitted to take more than one wife and also to enter into temporary marriages.” Here, we see the laws have defects. They provide men with privileges to avoid being punished. A man won’t be criminalized if he marries to his mistress in time before being found he has committed adultery.

  In Pakistan, “the Hudood Ordinance requires a woman making an accusation of rape to provide extremely strong evidence to avoid being charged with adultery herself.” However, this unreasonable request does brutal violence on women since “a conviction for rape is only possible with evidence from no fewer than four witnesses.” Moreover, “honor killings” exist legally in Jordan. In Article 340 of the Penal Code of Jordan states that “he who discovers his wife or one of his female relatives committing adultery and kills, wounds, or injures one of them, is exempted from any penalty." That means men can kill or injure women only for maintaining their dignity and reputations.  Life is the basic human rights, but it works differently in Jordan: honor is the priority.

  Laws are made to keep social order instead of creating problems and arousing controversy. It is time for following in developed countries' steps: decriminalizing adultery. Abolishing these laws cannot fully protect women. However, it is for sure that if they are not abandoned, women are meant to be injured. 

References:

Frances Raday. ( 2012, November 2). Decriminalizing adultery: Eliminating discrimination and violence against women. Oxford Human Rights Hub

Retrieved from: http://ohrh.law.ox.ac.uk/?p=475

Adultery. Wikipedia

Retrieved from: http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Adultery#Honor_killings

Criminal law (Philippines).

Retrieved from:  
http://criminallawphilippines.wordpress.com/2010/03/16/c1-adultery-concubinage-art-333-334/

Peer Response 4

1. [陳靖雯] :
I think you can use some examples like news in reality to support your point. Besides, you jump to your conclusion too fast. If there are laws against adultery, how can you prove that abandon the law will protect women?

  [Me] :
Here is the news showing that Colorado moves to decriminalize adultery. (http://usnews.nbcnews.com/_news/2013/02/21/17048142-colorado-moves-to-decriminalize-adultery) And the laws I use for my annotation are all real in our world! Just because these laws impose discrimination and violence on women, if they are abolished, women are likely to be harmed less. I never say abolishing them can fully protect women. But if they are not abolished, women are meant to be injured

2. [蘇俞臻] :
You wrote about the situation in foreign countries, but i would like to know your opinion to the adultery law in Taiwan.
All the examples you use to support your idea have one similarity, which is that they count against the women's right. However, if the law can be revised more perfect than before and have less discrimination, I think the law will be a protection for those abandoned partners, for both men and women. Therefore, i don't agree that it should be abolished, it just need to be revised.

  [Me] :
In Taiwan, adultery is criminalized. But here is a piece of news showing that our minister of Ministry of Culture supports decriminalizing adultery.( http://www.ettoday.net/news /2 0130314/174967.htm) 
And for your last question, they just haven't been revised!

Annotation 3: Laws against adultery impose discrimination and violence on women

  Laws are made to restrict people’s behavior. So, there are laws against adultery, whose intent is to show its incompatibility with the society and also validity of a marriage contract. However, in several countries, punishing people who commit adultery by severe penalties turns out offending human rights and imposing conspicuous discrimination and violence on women. These laws deviate from their original purposes and bring about social problems which for a long time, human beings have tried so hard to deal with. Therefore, after reading the reference composed by Frances Raday in “Oxford Human Rights Hub”, I go to search the details of these laws in “Wikipedia” which are displayed in the following paragraphs. 

  In Article 333 of the Criminal Law in Philippines, adultery is defined as “Who are guilty of adultery. — Adultery is committed by any married woman who shall have sexual intercourse with a man not her husband．．．” The subjects in the text only refer to women. This law shows inequality in gender. Although men in Philippines are convict of a related act of concubinage, the word “adultery” should not refer to specific sex. Everyone is likely to engage in adultery.  And also, “in some Islam countries where the law prohibits adultery for men as well as women, men are permitted to take more than one wife and also to enter into temporary marriages.” Here, we see the laws have defects. They provide men with privileges to avoid being punished. A man won’t be criminalized if he marries to his mistress in time before being found he has committed adultery.

  In Pakistan, “the Hudood Ordinance requires a woman making an accusation of rape to provide extremely strong evidence to avoid being charged with adultery herself.” However, this unreasonable request does brutal violence on women since “a conviction for rape is only possible with evidence from no fewer than four witnesses.” Moreover, “honor killings” exist legally in Jordan. In Article 340 of the Penal Code of Jordan states that “he who discovers his wife or one of his female relatives committing adultery and kills, wounds, or injures one of them, is exempted from any penalty." That means men can kill or injure women only for maintaining their dignity and reputations.  Life is the basic human rights, but it works differently in Jordan: honor is the priority.

  

  In Europe, there is no country criminalizing adultery. And in United States, adultery is still a criminal offense in 22 states out of 50. These developed countries value human rights, which shows their respect for individuals. In the meantime, they also display their vision. Laws are made to keep social order instead of creating problems and arousing controversy. And, they clearly have known that “decriminalizing adultery eliminates discrimination and violence against women.”

References:

Frances Raday. ( 2012, November 2). Decriminalizing adultery: Eliminating discrimination and violence against women. Oxford Human Rights Hub

Retrieved from: http://ohrh.law.ox.ac.uk/?p=475

Adultery. Wikipedia

Retrieved from: http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Adultery#Honor_killings

Criminal law (Philippines).

Retrieved from: http://criminallawphilippines.wordpress.com/2010/03/16/c1-adultery-concubinage-art-333-334/

  

Reflection 1

  During the conference, Professor Liang made my partner Emily Su and I recall the process of preparing from the initial Issue paper to Annotation 2. After she listened to our description, she cried out “that is so interesting.” In fact, I, who chose the supporting side toward adultery, considered it to be tough to work on at first since most people cannot accept it and it obviously has moral defects. What the professor thought of as being interesting is that I skimmed through information about adultery on the internet first, lay some ideas which are useful for my side in my mind and then find references relevant to these ideas. Instead of finding a lot of references aimlessly and seeking supporting ideas in them, I had specific thoughts first and then go to find references to prove them.

  Take my annotation 1 for example. Because it is the first annotation, I want to tell people adultery must exist which is just my idea. And then, I go to type key words like “婚外情的好處” to find positive effects of adultery or reasons that it must exist. The way I use to work on my assignments, focus on you must have some ideas first and then go to find proofs. In this case, you can find it is easier to make your essay organized and compact since you have already known clearly what you want to express. And as for my annotation 2, in order to connect it to annotation 1, I want to tell people that some people cannot help but engage in adultery which is my idea for this essay. And then, I found a book named “Adultery: The Forgivable Sin” whose author Bonnie Weil is a marriage and family therapist. In this book, I got a real case which strengthens my point a lot.

  For my annotation 3, I am going to talk about adultery decriminalization. I have found a piece of news to support my idea, and I am going to give more details to it. And for annotation 4, since I haven’t referred to any formal academic papers, I will look for one for this essay, but I haven’t decided the idea.

Followings are the other two groups.

1. Eva & Vicky:

Their topic is quite interesting. Eva has decided to write about American adult movie actresses in her annotation 3. She has found a resource talking about adult movie being commercialized. And as our group do, they haven’t referred to any formal academic papers. So, Professor Liang suggested them to apply one in annotation 4.

2.   Joselin & Justine:

What they wrote based on statistics are quite contradictory, and Professor Liang thought of it as being great, but they have to check the data again since it is weird to have different results in the same condition. And then, for their annotation 4, they are suggested to refer to statistics in other countries and focus on aspects of cultures or religions.  

  

Peer Response 3

1.[蘇俞臻]:
I think your topic is too long, maybe you can concise it and make it be more powerful. And in your second paragraph, "Though he got married, he never tells her about his desire deep in mind." I think that changing the word "her" to "his wife" will be better, because this is your first sentence which has mentioned his wife, if you only use "her" to describe, it will make readers a little confused. Besides, in my opinion, I still insist that the cheated person has to be blamed, though I have compassion to his childhood. However, this cannot be a reason for him to hurt his spouse! It just like if a person experienced domestic violence as he was a child, so he has the right to do that on his/her family without being blamed!

  [Me]: 
OK! I will change my title and replace "her" with "his wife."
But in my opinion, we cannot choose our parents and thus have to accept the childhood they give us. It is unavoidable, so adultery is forgivable.

2.[Yachu Mo]:
your topic is too long that will make us lose the focus
and after i read your annotation, i feel that it is hard to know your standpoint until the end.i think you can make your standpoint clearly.
i still think that Adultery can't be forgive because the one you cheat on didn't have the responsibility to accept the hurt you gave even though you have a bad childhood. However, it is not his or her fault.

  [Me]:
As you said "it is not his or her fault", so adultery is forgivable.Anyway, thank for your comment, and I will revise my annotation 2 based on these suggestions.

3. [Siou-jyun Huang]:
I think you were too nervous in your presentation.Your viewpoint was strong and you have to have confidence in it.

  [Me]:
 Thank for your words of cheer! I will show my confidence in next presentation.

4.[Chen Joselin]:
Actually, I think you and your partner are talking about different topic.I can't agree with Adultery at all. You have hurt your lover and cheat those who believe you. No matter how old are you, you shouldn't have an affair.

 [Me]:

well...please calm down.We are talking about the same topic. And though  you cannot accept adultery, it exist anyway and has positive effects.

5.[黃毓婷]:

your speaking is really clear. good pacing!
ur perspective in this article is really special and interesting, which surprices me how much that your childhoom influences your future even self. The emptiness and lonliness inserted into ur heart due to parents' indifference may have a great impact to childen's personalitis. but , I think that u make the incident of "adultery" too reasonable although you connect it to the faults which parents have made. Maybe u can explaion more about the "emptiness" or find some sources from psychologic aspects, which can clear up your points. Also, come up with some examples of how parents mistake their children might be helpful.:)

 [Me]:

 OK! Thank for your detailed analysis and suggestion. I will take them into account.

6.[Robert Ching]:

I can see that you are well prepared for your presentation. You demonstrated your confidence in your speech. Also I like how you include like a little story in your annotation 2. Not only does it strengthen your point but also make it more persuasive and realistic. However, I do not agree with your point about committing adultery. Although there maybe reasonable reasons for it to happen, I still think it will leave a negative impact on the innocent children. 

  [Me]:

Thank for your compliment:))

Although you stand on the side against mine, I can imagine you may change your idea toward adultery after you see whole my annotations.

7.[Lisa Yu]:

The story you tell makes your statement much clearer, and the presentation will be better if you don't keep looking at the note. I think that the positive case you say is the minority, but I believe that most extramarital affairs have their reasons.

  [Me]:

Although it is the minority, it just exists. We cannot deny its existence, so why not just trying to understand its causes and admit it is forgivable?

(Revised) Annotation 2: Adultery pulls you out of the abyss of emptiness

 Following the annotation 1 where the three main problems mentioned, can be avoid through adultery, here, in annotation 2, I go further to discuss it can retrieve yourself mentally and face emptiness in the bottom of heart, which is caused by the unhappy growing process. There are all kinds of factors leading to the sense of loss in childhood. But the main cause is that we have piles of unmet needs. “These unsatisfied demands are believed to bring feelings like frustration, harm, and emotional pain which compose emptiness.” suggested the author. The following is the example which the author provides to show you that people turn to adultery to fill the emptiness deep in mind, which is induced by something wrong in the childhood.

  Ian is the only but unexpected child in his family. He desires to be loved, cared, and depended on because he never really understands his father and even is not close to his mother. Though he got married, he never tells his wife about his desire deep in mind. Ian committed adultery finally, but he has learned to express his needs afterwards and she has learned to listen to. In this case, we see that getting little love makes Ian’s heart full of emptiness. When he feels it again, he is not a little boy anymore who can just endure loneliness, but a grow-up who can find consolation to relieve the intolerable pain. Should he be blamed for cheating on his wife? The author tells you that Ian should be forgiven.  Because normal ways like talking did not work in the relationship between him and his parents, he had to resort to an unconventional way like adultery this time to save the marriage. (connected to Annotation1) And we see it really worked since adultery made this couple face their problems and successfully dealt with them.

  So, should adultery be criticized? In view of the vows, the person who commits adultery should be blamed because he/she did break the promise. But look at the traits of emptiness. They are included “Everyone feels it”, “It comes from not keeping some relationships” and “It comes from not knowing self or losing self because of someone.” The second trait indicates that instead of eating much food, drinking a lot, taking medicine or overworking, people tend to build up another relationship to find consolation for their loss or unsatisfied needs in the former or present relationship.

And also, the third trait shows Ian's problems. Getting not enough love from his parents makes him dare not to express his needs in fear of no response. This causes him to lose himself and gradually not know what he really desires. Here, through adultery, Ian has been saved and thus changed his marriage since then. So, in conclusion, although adultery must be considered immoral or shameful, it still exists as an useful way to retrieve yourself even though in the first place, you just want to fill the emptiness by it. 

Reference:

Bonnie Eaker Weil & Ruth Winter. (June, 1994) Adultery:   The Forgivable Sin.           

  
  

Transcript 1

  I’m Claire and our topic is “should extramarital affairs be accepted?” And I stand on supporting side and Emily is the opposite. I go first now. In my annotation 1, I talked about adultery is an unconventional way to save yourself from three main problems if you choose not to get divorced when you find your spouse cheating on you. First, the kids, and second, financial problems, and the third, discrimination in the society.

  And, in annotation 2, I go further to talk about adultery can retrieve yourself mentally and face emptiness in your bottom of heart, which is caused by your unhappy growing process. And now, I am going to show you guys a story that the author provided to strengthen the point. Ian. Ian is the only but unexpected child in his family. And he desires to be loved, cared, and depended on because he never really knows his father who is an airman and always away from home. And Ian is even not close his mother who is a model and always busy at party hosting. So though, Ian got married finally, but he did not tell his wife about the desires in his mind and finally he committed adultery. But after his wife found Ian cheating on her, they talked and Ian learns to express his needs and his wife has learned to listen to.

  So, should adultery be criticized? In view of the vows that in the ceremony, the person who committed adultery should be blamed because he or she did break the promise. But when we look at the traits of emptiness, they are included: first, everyone feels it that means everyone has the feeling of emptiness; second, it comes from not keeping some relationships just like Ian found he could not keep the marriage; last, it comes from not knowing self or losing self because of someone just like Ian, because of his parents were not close to me, which gave Ian thee feeling of emptiness and Ian didn’t know what he really wants. So, the main point. The main point is that the second...umm... the third it comes from not knowing self or losing self because of someone. But we see, through adultery, Ian knew what he really wants finally, and chose to face the problems and talked to his wife and thus they changed their marriage. So, the conclusion: adultery must be considered immoral or shameful but we cannot deny it as an useful measure to retrieve yourself even though at first place, we commit adultery just for fill the feeling of emptiness.               

Annotation 2: Adultery: a way to retrieve oneself in a struggle of emptiness caused by a miserable childhood

  As I mentioned before in annotation 1, the way parents use to deal with their children has a great influence on the future development. Here, the author points out that “Even the most generous and indulgent parents make mistakes which affect the children’s futures.” So, what is the problem? Our parents had many unmet needs in the childhood, which makes us share the same fate. “These unsatisfied demands are believed to bring feelings like frustration, harm, and emotional pain which compose emptiness.” The following is the example to show you that people turn to adultery to fill the emptiness deep in mind, which is induced by something wrong in the childhood.

Ian is the only but unexpected child in his family. He desires to be loved, cared, and depended on because he never really understands his father and even is not close to his mother. Though he got married, he never tells her about his desire deep in mind. Ian committed adultery finally, but he has learned to express his needs afterwards and she has learned to listen to. In this case, we see that getting little love makes Ian’s heart full of emptiness. When he feels it again, he is not a little boy anymore who can just endure loneliness, but a grow-up who can find consolation to relieve the intolerable pain. Should he be blamed for cheating on his wife? My answer is NO! Because normal ways like talking did not work in the relationship between him and his parents, he had to resort to an unconventional way like adultery. (Please see Annotation1)  And the result shows that adultery made this couple face their problems and successfully dealt with them.

So, should adultery be criticized? In view of the vows, the person who commits adultery should be blamed because he/she did break the promise. But look at the traits of emptiness. They are included “Everyone feels it”, “It comes from not keeping some relationships” and “It comes from not knowing self or losing self because of someone.” Like the case above, instead of eating much food, drinking a lot, taking medicine or overworking, people have to find consolation from another or new relationship because the one they engage in now is hard to keep. The main point is that emptiness comes from losing or not knowing self. But here, in Ian’s case, we see that through adultery, he finally knew what he wants and thus changed his marriage since then. It can clearly be seen that although adultery must be considered immoral or shameful, we cannot deny it is an useful measure to retrieve yourself even though in the first place you just wanted to fill the emptiness by it.

Reference:

Bonnie Eaker Weil & Ruth Winter. (June, 1994) Adultery:   The Forgivable Sin.

Peer Response 2

1. Emma:
    It is a good source, but you should "quote" what is in the source. At first glance, I think those are you thoughts, but after seeing the source, I realize almost is from the article. The author's point of view is very convincing, but I seldom see your comment or your "own" thoughts in this annotation. I think you can choose some important sentences to support what you have mentioned in your issue paper before. 
And you can organize or list the author's points, not just quote all. 
To sum up, compare to your issue paper, this annotation points out why you said that divorce is not a good choice for unhappy marriage. It makes your point clear. Good.

    Me:

    OK! Thanks for your suggestion. You are right about that I have to quote from the reference instead of just summarizing it all.

2.蘇俞臻:

    I don't think that if people have a emotional affair can still remain the completeness of a family, because he/she might want to spend more times with his/her new lover. Also, the lover might hope to build a new family with you. And,actually kids are very sensitive, they will notice that their parents don't like each other anymore, this does not have any good benefit to kids' well-beings. 

Your article is based on the situation that the couples can reach a consensus. However many extramarital affairs happened not because couples have poor marriages, but for excitement! What is your opinion or solution for this kind of situation?

    Me:

    That's why they have to reach an agreement! And for the desire of the lover to get married, that is the problem the husband/wife has to deal with since they have reached an consensus that maintaining family's atmosphere. And to answer your last question, just because his/her marriage is unhappy, he/she pursues comfort or happiness from other woman/man.

(Revised) Annotation 1: Adultery is an alternative way to save yourself

  As I mentioned in the issue paper, there is no perfect marriage. The author suggested that when people find something wrong in their marriages, they tend to resort to ways like "marriage consulting, more talking or tolerance, and praying to God." However, as we see divorced rate gets higher and higher, it is obvious that the normal and moral ways do not work. So, the author holds the point that adultery is necessary and exists as an unconventional way for those who are in the dilemma of choosing not to get a divorce but having no solution to resolve the current situation.

  Some may just get a divorce to get away from misery. But here are three main concerns for persuading you not doing so. And if you are taking this option, in other words, you will not be trapped in these concerns; instead, you can avoid tragedies happening in the future and get something which you never expect. 

  First, kids. Undoubtedly, a broken family brings a child an everlasting harm to his/her heart, which definitely influences the development of his/her future. Children go astray in teenage years, are mostly grown up in a broken family where they never get enough love since they were little, and thus seek attentions from peers who may do something illegal like taking drugs. If you decide to leave your children, it is very likely that some day when they commit a crime, you learn it from television but cannot do anything since being alienated from them. But on the contrary, through their growing process, you learn from them and also get the happiness which is invaluable.

  Second,financial problems. Most families are with two incomes. So, when getting divorced, single-parents cannot afford the cost of living and children's tuition. And for those women who quit jobs to take care of husbands and kids, it is hard for them to go back to workplace for being unfamiliar with professional skills. So, if you stay, then you don't have to worry about the kids are poorly fed or you cannot afford them to go to cram school or college. It is a chronically physical and mental suffering which you never want to be stuck in.         

  Last but not least, hostility and hatred toward divorced couples and their children in our society. For adults, they may be labelled as being abusive or having some bad habits that fail their marriages. And for children, it is very likely they may be mocked by peers only having one parent. This kind of gossip or mischief seems not a big deal but actually makes both adults and children lose self-confidence. 

    So, compared with getting divorced, maybe adultery is a better choice. When a couple use adultery to save their marriage, reaching a consensus is needed. Like an agreement that on the basis of bringing up the children together and maintaining family's atmosphere, each other can develop his/her own relationship. Although adultery is risky and considered immoral, it is useful anyway which keeps possible regret or affliction at bay for you.

Reference:

woosean. (April, 2006). 婚外情的必要性

Retrieved from: http://woosean.pixnet.net/blog/post/23604229-%E5%A9%9A%E5%A4%96%E6%83%85%E7%9A%84%E5%BF%85%E8%A6%81%E6%80%A7

                     

  

  

  

  

           

Annotation 1: Adultery is risky but must exist as a positive resort

    You can stand against extramarital affair and choose not to engage in it, but have to believe that it is necessary and has positive effects in our society, where marriages are still the mainstream of social life.

    When people are strongly opposed to infidelity, they cannot uncover the truth that most marriages are not perfect and what's worse, some of them are far from happiness. Because a variety of discrimination brims in our society, such as hostility and labeling on single-parent families and unmarried mothers, social pressure and kids' well-beings make couples surrender to marriages. And thus unhappy marriages come out. Some may think that if you have an unhappy marriage, you can get a divorce, resort to a consultation, or communicate with your spouse to save the situation. But is it that easy to deal with? If it is, then divorce rate should not be so high. We see that in Taiwan, divorce rate gets higher and higher; however, there are still hostility and hatred toward divorced couples and their children, which I have mentioned before. So it turns out that keeping the marriage or getting a divorce are not right. For those people who are in this dilemma, it is impossible to find solutions in a normal or moral way. Although extramarital affair is risky and must be criticized, it is still a possible way to pull you out of the abyss of misery.

    To be frank, adultery is just a sexual and emotional relationship outside of a marriage. It is not so horrible, evil or to be considered an unforgivable sin. If a couple really want to deal with the problems in their marriage, they have to reach a consensus. Like an agreement that on the basis of both bringing up the children and maintaining family's atmosphere, each other can develop their own relationship . It is inevitable that adultery will never be accepted by all people. But those people who fight against it, should know that it is more important to solve social problems than to arouse tremendous controversy about whether infidelity is accepted. No matter how adultery's rightfulness develops, it exists anyway and is still taken as a possible means by those people who need it.

Source:
http://woosean.pixnet.net/blog/post/23604229-%E5%A9%9A%E5%A4%96%E6%83%85%E7%9A%84%E5%BF%85%E8%A6%81%E6%80%A7                                   
     
  
   
  
   

Peer Response 1

1. Emma:
    In the second part, you said that single parent will be looked down. So the reason is for not to have extramarial affairs or get divorced? The person who has extramarital affair probably will not be the single parent, because she/ he finds out new one. or you mean the affair is not enough for the two to get together?
And I think the sentence is a little strange- " Second, livelihood. It is not easy for a woman, who quits her job after getting married to make her career."
to make her career what? So you surppose that it is not easy for women get divorced once they have extramarital affairs? then I want to know if this situation happens to men? 

I agree that there is not perfect marriage, but I think extramarital affair should not be the solution. If once the "in love" loses then you go to find a person, I think there is no reason for getting married.

  I think if you want to talk about " why those who have extramarital affairs can not get divorced", then you should mention it before. Because not all people think remaining marriage is the best way to solve extramarital affairs. And I didn't see enough points to support you this object. It looks like " should people decide to get divorce once they have extramarital affairs" instead of whether extramarital affairs should be accepted.

   Me:

  ok! I understand your questions. First, I think single parent and their children are disadvantaged in the society. For a single parent, it is really exhausting to support a family by oneself. As for the children, it is very likely that they are laughed for losing one parent by their classmates. And second, that sentence means that women who quit their job before is hard to find a job or make it successful if they find one since they leave the workplace for too long. 

And last,I will organize my article again. Thanks for your comments!

2.蔣雅如:

  I agree with you that extramarital affairs helps people retrieve self-confidence and self-worth which they lose from unhappy marriage 

But in paragraph two,I think ''Second, livelihood. It is not easy for a woman, who quits her job after getting married to make her career.'' is a discrimination to women because not every woman quit her job after getting married and who says it is not easy for woman to find a job. And to me, your statement seems to express that woman is the one be discarded in her marriage instead of the one finding her new lover and happiness so woman is not easy for livelihood.
You discuss why people can't just get a divorce but I think no divorce can not completely support your point of accepting extramarital affairs since divorce involves many aspects such as personality differences, financial problems and so on. not just extramarital affairs. And trying to remain a marriage does not means extramarital affairs is the only thing needed.

 Me:

 yes!You are right about not every case is correspond to my point. That is why we will write annotation later. So I will find some real cases as examples to support my idea. Thanks for your comments anyway:)

3.蘇俞臻:

  In second paragragh, you mentioned that why people should not get divorced was because kids would be hurt. However, in my opinion, the children who live under parents who don't have a good relationship would still not be happy. Because no one could pretend nothing happened after he/she found out his/her spouse having an affair. Therefore, I think I will feel relieved if my parents can separate instead of seeing them fight or ignore each other everyday. I really don't want them to live in pain just because they want to remain their marrige for me. Also, a poor marriage can affect children's future development as well, even more seriously than single parents.

 Me:

 But at least they will not be laughed about having no mother or father by their classmates. No kid will be not hurt when he or she knows that his/her parents get a divorce; after all, they have happy times before. Thanks for your comments anyway~

4.Lisa Yu:

  In the second paragraph, what does "loving feeling takes a lot of work, so we must start working at a relationship right away" mean?

And I think that the revenge is not the advantage, because it will hurt the both sides in this marital relationship.

 Me:

 It means that when we know the feelings are gone, we should pay attention and do something for this relationship. And you are right about that both may be hurt. But extramarital affairs, in the mean time, give the one who does it first a warning that stop doing this or show the one that I can do it too.

Thanks for your comments:)

5.Kevin Yeh:

  Although I stand against the extramarital affairs, I still like your article. Your second paragraph is quite interesting. In the form of conversation, which avoid the problem monotonous, you do answer some of my doubt upon this issue. But I think U can still make your thesis stronger. Since it is quite a controversial issue( If my knowledge serve me, there is almost no country regards extramarital affairs as legal stuff), you may need some more concrete evidence such as psychology proof.

 Me:

 Well, it has already been on my list. I will do research on it. Thanks for your comments:)

7.陳靖雯:

  You argument is brave and impressive. It really points out some new ideas that I didn’t discover before.

In your last paragraph, you mentioned that people who engaged in infidelity may be an advantage to themselves. Also, you said the “in love” feelings don’t exist forever in the second paragraph. So I was wondering if you agree that people should keep changing their partners continuously in order to keep in love feelings all the time?

  Me:

  First, thank for your compliment.

And to answer your question, for unmarried couple, it is ok to change partners. As for married couple, if there is no sparks in their marriage, I will suggest them to reach a consensus. Like an agreement that on the basis of both bringing up the children if they have and maintaining family's atmosphere, each other can develop their own relationship .

8.蕭孟:
   Your article provides me a different point of view on extramarital affairs, like the connection between being in a new relationship and economic growth. This is something I never thought of before. However I think involve someone else in the family will cause a greater damage and that revenge isn't the best way to solve the problem.

    Me:
  But I think if the couple reach an agreement that each other can has his/her relationship only if it cannot affect the kids or the atmosphere of the family, then adultery works. Thanks for your comments anyway:)

9.朱品晶:

   You said that kids would be hurt if their parents get divorced. But when their parents have extramarital affairs, pretending that they are still love each other, the kid can be happy?I also disagree to take extramarital affairs as a revenge.

   Me:

  I think the children can have a normal and happy growing process if they don't know the adultery thing and believe that their family is perfect and has no problems. There is no kid who wants a broken family. Although this case may make him or her become more independent than other children, he /she must feel lonely from the bottom of his/her heart. Thanks for your comments anyway:)