2013年11月4日 星期一

Annotation 2: Adultery: a way to retrieve oneself in a struggle of emptiness caused by a miserable childhood

  As I mentioned before in annotation 1, the way parents use to deal with their children has a great influence on the future development. Here, the author points out that “Even the most generous and indulgent parents make mistakes which affect the children’s futures.” So, what is the problem? Our parents had many unmet needs in the childhood, which makes us share the same fate. “These unsatisfied demands are believed to bring feelings like frustration, harm, and emotional pain which compose emptiness.” The following is the example to show you that people turn to adultery to fill the emptiness deep in mind, which is induced by something wrong in the childhood.

Ian is the only but unexpected child in his family. He desires to be loved, cared, and depended on because he never really understands his father and even is not close to his mother. Though he got married, he never tells her about his desire deep in mind. Ian committed adultery finally, but he has learned to express his needs afterwards and she has learned to listen to. In this case, we see that getting little love makes Ian’s heart full of emptiness. When he feels it again, he is not a little boy anymore who can just endure loneliness, but a grow-up who can find consolation to relieve the intolerable pain. Should he be blamed for cheating on his wife? My answer is NO! Because normal ways like talking did not work in the relationship between him and his parents, he had to resort to an unconventional way like adultery. (Please see Annotation1)  And the result shows that adultery made this couple face their problems and successfully dealt with them.

So, should adultery be criticized? In view of the vows, the person who commits adultery should be blamed because he/she did break the promise. But look at the traits of emptiness. They are included “Everyone feels it”, “It comes from not keeping some relationships” and “It comes from not knowing self or losing self because of someone.” Like the case above, instead of eating much food, drinking a lot, taking medicine or overworking, people have to find consolation from another or new relationship because the one they engage in now is hard to keep. The main point is that emptiness comes from losing or not knowing self. But here, in Ian’s case, we see that through adultery, he finally knew what he wants and thus changed his marriage since then. It can clearly be seen that although adultery must be considered immoral or shameful, we cannot deny it is an useful measure to retrieve yourself even though in the first place you just wanted to fill the emptiness by it.

Reference:
Bonnie Eaker Weil & Ruth Winter. (June, 1994) Adultery:   The Forgivable Sin.

15 則留言:

  1. I think your topic is too long, maybe you can concise it and make it be more powerful.
    And in your second paragraph, "Though he got married, he never tells her about his desire deep in mind." I think that changing the word "her" to "his wife" will be better, because this is your first sentence which has mentioned his wife, if you only use "her" to describe, it will make readers a little confused.
    Besides, in my opinion, I still insist that the cheated person has to be blamed, though I have compassion to his childhood. However, this cannot be a reason for him to hurt his spouse! It just like if a person experienced domestic violence as he was a child, so he has the right to do that on his/her family without being blamed!

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    1. OK! I will change my title and replace "her" with "his wife."
      But in my opinion, we cannot choose our parents and thus have to accept the childhood they give us. It is unavoidable, so adultery is forgivable.

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  2. your topic is too long that will make us lose the focus
    and after i read your annotation, i feel that it is hard to know your standpoint until the end.
    i think you can make your standpoint clearly.

    i still think that Adultery can't be forgive
    because the one you cheat on didn't have the responsibility to accept the hurt you gave even though you have a bad childhood.
    However, it is not his or her fault

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    1. As you said "it is not his or her fault", so adultery is forgivable.
      Anyway, thank for your comment, and I will revise my annotation 2 based on these suggestions.

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  3. I think you were too nervous in your presentation.
    Your viewpoint was strong and you have to have confidence in it.

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    1. Thank for your words of cheer!
      I will show my confidence in next presentation.

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  4. Actually, I think you and your partner are talking about different topic.
    I can't agree with Adultery at all. You have hurt your lover and cheat those who believe you. No matter how old are you, you shouldn't have an affair.

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    1. well...please calm down.
      We are talking about the same topic.
      And though you cannot accept adultery, it exist anyway and has positive effects.

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  5. your speaking is really clear. good pacing!
    ur perspective in this article is really special and interesting, which surprices me how much that your childhoom influences your future even self. The emptiness and lonliness inserted into ur heart due to parents' indifference may have a great impact to childen's personalitis. but , I think that u make the incident of "adultery" too reasonable although you connect it to the faults which parents have made. Maybe u can explaion more about the "emptiness" or find some sources from psychologic aspects, which can clear up your points. Also, come up with some examples of how parents mistake their children might be helpful.:)

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    1. OK! Thank for your detailed analysis and suggestion. I will take them into account.

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  6. I can see that you are well prepared for your presentation. You demonstrated your confidence in your speech. Also I like how you include like a little story in your annotation 2. Not only does it strengthen your point but also make it more persuasive and realistic. However, I do not agree with your point about committing adultery. Although there maybe reasonable reasons for it to happen, I still think it will leave a negative impact on the innocent children.

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    1. Thank for your compliment:))
      Although you stand on the side against mine, I can imagine you may change your idea toward adultery after you see whole my annotations.

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  7. The story you tell makes your statement much clearer, and the presentation will be better if you don't keep looking at the note. I think that the positive case you say is the minority, but I believe that most extramarital affairs have their reasons.

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    1. Although it is the minority, it just exists. We cannot deny its existence, so why not just trying to understand its causes and admit it is forgivable?

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